Clown, Ducky, Bunny Slipper - Oh, my!
by RMSE
Summary: What happens when Sasuke awakes to his lover in a clown suit? What'll become of Naruto's attempt at making breakfast? What does the ducky have to speak for itself? And who threw the bunny slipper? SasuxNaru


"Mm..." His figure turned, rolling to face the other side of the dimmed room. Slowly, he breathed in, and slowly, he breathed out-however, he couldn't help but catch the scent of some sort of a delectable substance being cooked. _Mm... Is someone cooking...?_ he dazedly thought as his charcoal eyes slipped open a crack, gazing forth at the slightly blurred time of 9:21 A.M. that glowed on the alarm clock. _Who's cooking so early...? Naruto couldn't possibly be up yet... He's never up before me..._

In a groggy state, the raven managed to roll his numb figure onto his stomach, lightly brushing his cheek into the comfort of his pillow that embraced his sleepy form. "Hmm..." he hummed, eyes slipping closed, mind expecting a furthermore slumber. _Naruto...? Cooking...? That'd be a silly thought..._ his mind rambled as it searched for it's hammock. _The only thing that dobe can cook... is ramen... And what I smell isn't ramen..._ He slowly breathed in, as if to diagnose the smell his mind couldn't quite process. _Like... eggs... and... bacon... He can't cook eggs... n'... bacon..._ Gently, his mind began quietting; silencing itself as it readied for sleep. _He can't cook anything... He'd burn the house down... Dobe..._

Sasuke Uchiha's eyes then sprung open, his body jolting as he flew to a sitting position, eyes flying to the empty side of the bed, then to the door. "Naruto's cooking?" Frantically, the Uchiha tried to untangle himself from his cacoon of blankets and sheets, and once free, he bolted to the door, only fumbling with the door knob for a few seconds before he absently flung it open. The door throttled against the wall without the raven's notice as he dashed into the hallway and to the top of the stairs, staring down the steps as if it was a walk down to Hell-and for all he knew, there may be licking and lapping flames at the bottom of this destination, waiting for him.

Taking two steps at a time, the kekkei-genkai holder quickly made his way through the risk and easily twirled on his heal a moment later to skim through the dining room and make his way into the kitchen. "_Naruto_, you idiot! What do you think you're-?" Sasuke dropped his statement instantly at seeing the sight before him. A dumbfounded expression painted itself on his pale, shocked features. "What in the...?"

"Good morning, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto Uzumaki grinned as he nibbled on a piece of bacon that he had finished cooking. "Surprised to see me up before your duck-butt?" The sun-kissed blond couldn't help but snicker at his silly name for his lover. "You hungry?" He smiled down at his food as he flipped a piece of turkey bacon, eggs sizzling in another pan he had on a different burner.

Sasuke still stared, unsure of what to say, his focus on the now stagnant point of Naruto cooking completely wiped as his new fixation was on-on this becoming-Hokage-claiming **clown-cladded** _moron_! "What... ... What... ... ... _What..._" was all Sasuke could really comprehend to say before finishing his question, "_What in the **hell** are you wearing_?"

The unsightly grinning blond just seemed to raise the corners of his lips even more. Around his lips-his mouth-was painted blue, lined with white, his nose painted red and tears drawn as if dripping down from his eyes, and cartoon-like rosie cheeks were stained over his scarred whiskers. "What do you mean?" To top it off, the blond was no longer in his per usual loud, orange-colored, blue-shouldered jumpsuit, but now he had decided to dress himself in the most gaudiest, most obscene, most insane white-pokedotted, purple-based, blue-and-yellow-hazardously-striped, flowered-out-collered _clown suit_!

"What do I-? The hell do you mean, 'what do I mean'?" Sasuke leaned against the wall for support, himself just flowing with disbelief. "Why in the hell are you dressed liked that, you moron? I know you're usually cladded in _idiocy_, as your per usual bright ass orange-but now you're just making fun of your own damn self... This isn't something I care to wake up to, let alone you cooking!" Which was originally his main purpose for coming down to the kitchen, but this new vision brought him a whole other concern.

"Whaaat? I can't cook _for you_ every once in a while?" The blond pouted, narrowing his eyes at his bacon as he poked it around. As the by moved, the suit made an ever so quiet shuffling noise.

"No. No, you can't," Sasuke deadpanned, almost feeling repulsed by the overcolorful threads.

Naruto gave a face before he switched to the eggs, flipping them with ease. "I know how to bloody cook, I just never do...!"

"Then you're a fooling, lazy ass."

"...Are you going to have anything nice to say to me this morning?"

"You've yet to explain your ridiculous so-called fashion sense for this morning..."

"I take that as a no..." He flipped the switches on the stove to off with a huff before he snatched up a plate and set it near the cooking contraption. Taking the spatula, he scooped the vitamin sources onto the glass platform and set the pan aside. Next, he scooped the bacon onto the same plate, also setting that pan aside. Naruto grabbed up the plate and turned, snatching a glass of orange juice before making his way to the dining room table, the raven following after. The face-painted iclown/i set down the plate and juice before turning to his lover. "Your breakfast is ready."

"I'm not eating something prepared by a creepy clown," Sasuke rejected.

Naruto fumed. "How come?"

"Why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?" he countered, it really bugging him now. He was already sick of seeing it. He intensely disliked clowns, though he had a feeling if he were to reveal that to Naruto, the blond would only use it against him.

"Because...! It's-It's for a personal mission!" Naruto nodded firmly with his white-gloved hands at his sides, eyes dashing elsewhere for a moment before settling back onto the raven again.

"A what? Personal mission?" Sasuke didn't buy it. A personal mission for Naruto, of all people, would be going to the store and buying some instant ramen (off of Sasuke's wallet)-not dawning this _hideous_ attire.

"I'm going to a kid center in a bout a half hour... Kids like clowns... Hence the clown suit..." Naruto almost sounded embarrassed or ashamed, his voice low.

"I hate clowns," the raven muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Where in the world did you get this mission?" Sasuke had to ask as he picked up a piece of bacon and slightly nibbled on it. "From a dream, from your stupidity? What? Or is this some sort of April Fool's joke?" Even though it _was_ passed the first of April, Sasuke wouldn't ever put it passed Naruto to be late in being present for the fun.

"From me," called an ever so gleeful Kakashi Hatake, who was obviously grinning through his mask as he now suddenly stood behind the clown-of-discussion, looking forth with smiling eyes at Sasuke. A moment later, the silver-haired sensei found a piece of bacon abruptly draping down his face, along with a sweat drop. "Now... is throwing food necessary...?"

"Yes," Sasuke stated frankly. "What the hell are you doing to him? And why, more importantly?" The raven never much cared for Kakashi's little side antics outside of squad missions-especially when they involved Naruto-_especially_ when they involved taking time away from him and Naruto-and, as of right now, even _more_ especially when it took time away from the two of them for something involving bloody _clowns_.

Naruto huffed, "Kakashi Sensei got pissed at me the other day so now he's getting retribution and-"

"I never said it was out of revenge, now!" Kakashi defended.

Sasuke stared at him before cocking an eyebrow, "... Is it...?"

"...Well, that wasn't your original question, now was it?" Kakashi dodged.

"He's pissed at me because I ruined the ending to one of his pervy books!" Naruto pouted, crossing his arms as he glared at the so-called jounin.

Sasuke snorted, then blinked, slowly turning to Naruto. "You spoiled the ending?"

"Mhm! The ending involved ice cream!" Naruto ignored the feeling of Kakashi's eyes narrowing at him sharply.

"And how did _you_ know the ending, Naruto...?"

It was the blond's turn to blink. "Er..."

"Did you perhaps _read_ this pervy book in order to know that ending?"

"_Well, that wasn't your original question!_" Naruto exclaimed in defense. Luckily, his cheeks were already red, covering the blush that heated his cheeks.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes at his lover, beginning to think him a closet pervert. _Between that sage and this teacher... They're converting him to naughty._ The raven then huffed, closing that subject for another time. "Is him in a clown suit really necessary, Kakashi...?"

"You're going to be late, Naruto..." Kakashi beamed, looking to the blond that glared so begrudgingly at him. Apparently, it was very necessary.

"Yeah... I gotcha, you tool..." Naruto huffed, walking up to Sasuke in plans of giving him a goodbye kiss on the cheek, but those plans were thwarted when Sasuke's hand became a barrier between the targeted cheek and his puckered lips. Naruto whined in protest, "Whaaat?"

"You are not kissing me with that God awful paint on your face. I'll kiss you when it's _gone."_

Naruto grunted, throwing an inward fit. He just knew this furthermore pleased his teacher, so he made sure not to make eye contact as he turned and stormed out of the house to complete this mission he so wanted to shove up his teacher's-

"You can leave as well..." Sasuke stated to his teacher, not very pleased to what the jounin was doing to his lover-both making him dress in that horrid outfit and converting him to any state of perversion.

Kakashi just chuckled to himself. "Very well, then... Enjoy your food." And with that, the jounin vanished.

Sasuke rubbed the bridge of his nose with great irritation before he looked to his food, sighing.

**x x x x x X X X x x x x x**

Naruto sighed as he brought the wash cloth to his face once more, trying his hardest to scrub away the humiliation-the paint-that clearly wished to stain his sunkissed skin. "Dammit! Get offa me!" he snarled at it. In frustration, he punched the wash cloth into the bath water, creating ripples in the water that made the bubbles sway and change position, as well as a certain bright, yellow rubber duckie. Naruto's cerulean orbs flicked to the creation, staring at it, watching it wabble and slightly turn to one side, smiling and looking so blissful in it's factory-made expression.

In another moment, he snatched the thing from it's spot, bringing it closer to glare mercilessly at it. "You think it's funny, don't you? You're just laughin' your little duck butt off, ain'tcha? Me dressed as a stupid, creepy clown _thatSasukewon'tkiss_ just makes you all snickery inside, doesn't it? Yeah, well, you know what else is funny, Mr. Ducky?" With a low growl, Naruto then squeezed the duck as hard as he could-the duck letting out a squeal of almost pain, it sounded like-before he smashed the duck beneath the water level-water splashing over the tub side-and shoved it hard against the bath tub's floor, letting the thing 'suffocate', so to speak. "Who's laughing now, ducky? Huh? You just _quackin'_ up, down there? Huh?"

"This has got to be _the_ saddest sight I have ever seen," came Sasuke's quite amused voice. "Aside from your clown apparel, of course..."

Naruto jumped, his grip dropping from the duck as his eyes flicked to the pale, smirking Uchiha. As the whiskered boy narrowed his eyes in embarrassment, the ducky popped up to the water's surface with a small squeek. Naruto snarled a glare at it, as if it was mocking him by resurfacing-showing that it survived his punishment for it's amusement. He huffed with a snort before looking back to Sasuke. "What?" he snapped. A few stray and tossled damp strands of bright blond curled and licked around his face and neck, his spikes slightly downed.

"What nothing. Was the ducky laughing at you?" Sasuke continued to smirk with a small huff of a chuckle.

"I know another duck-butt who is..." Naruto pouted, narrowing his eyes further.

Sasuke's smirk dropped. "Idiot..." he growled beneath his breath. "You've been in the bath for over an hour now. Any longer and you're going to be even more of a prune. Get out of the water, dobe."

"No!" Naruto interjected before snatching up the wash cloth again and scrubbing at his face. "I can still feel the paint on my face! It's not going away!"

The Uchiha rolled his eyes as he neared the tub, peering down at the blond. "Naruto, you look fine. You can barely tell there was ever paint on your face." Seeing that the blond was ignoring him, Sasuke, irritatedly, bent then curled his fingers lightly around the fox-bearing boy's chin and gently lifted it. "Naruto..." Charcoal met cerulean pools. "_You look fine_, now knock it off before you make your face bleed. Alright?"

A small blush crept onto the blond's cheeks as he tried to put forth another pouting face (that was failing miserably). His eyes fell away. "Yeah, yeah... Get me a towel then, woudja?"

Sasuke nodded before he laid a soft kiss upon Naruto's head. He then stood and turned, grabbing a towel of its rack before tossing it to the blond who was in the midst of standing. The raven didn't pay much mind to how it almost knocked the once clown-cladded blond off his ass and instead headed for the door. "I'll be waiting in the room..." Sasuke looked to the hokage-claiming moron.

Naruto had just snaked the towel around his waist before he returned his attention to the raven. "Alright-"

"Naruto..." Sasuke's eyes slowly scanned him down, then up.

The blond blinked, feeling his cheeks get heated even more. _Did he just...?_

The Uchiha smirked. "... _I'll be waiting..._" The raven, with that, turned and left the bathroom, lightly closing the door behind him.

Staring in disbelief, the blond just stood there. "You... You son of a..." He licked at his teeth. _Really...? You think you can just... Really?_ Naruto stomped out of the tub like a man set on a mission-and indeed, he was. Ignoring the fact that the tub was still filled with soapy water, Naruto stormed his way out of the bathroom and towards the bedroom, Sasuke's words deliciously haunting him, _'I'll be waiting...'_

Sasuke had just set a date for his maker-and Naruto was going to make sure he was this raven's maker, and that he'd _remember it._

When Naruto now stood before the closed bedroom, he grinned. He drew in a breath, bolsted his chest, then turned the knob and flung the door open, one hand still on the towel, pinning it up to his waist. "Sasuke-!"

And then Naruto was met with a slipper-a pink bunny slipper that flopped onto the ground before him, leaving the blond dumbfounded for a moment. When he processed what just happened, his gaze dropped to look at what had just hit him. "... A... bunny slipper... What the...? What the heck, Sasuke-teme?" Naruto shot a glare up at Sasuke, who-wasn't in any sort of sexy anything, to his great disappointment.

Instead, Sasuke had gotten dressed in his PJs, had snuggled into bed, and seemed to be already half asleep.

Although Naruto at least knew he wasn't sleeping-unless some sort of ghost threw that bloody slipper. "Sasuke-teme!" Naruto grounded out, picking up the slipper and chucking it back at the bastard. "The heck was that for? And why are you going to sleep?"

The slipper lightly bounced off of Sasuke's blanketed thigh before settling motionlessly on the bed. "Mm... Why would I not go to sleep? It's going on midnight..."

"It's-That's-But you said-"

"I said I'd be waiting... Yes?"

"But-you-How you said-"

"How I said what...? I didn't say it in any sort of way, Naruto... Now get dressed in your damn pajamas and come into bed... You're annoying me." Sasuke, of course, knew full well what the yammering blond was talking about, however, it was Naruto's fault he took in such an indicating manner. Sasuke had just said in such a way because he knew the blond would rush to the bedroom-the Uchiha had stated in such a way to make the blond hurry up and leave the bathroom so they could at last just go to sleep. He was very tired from the day; he had had a more productive and hard-working day than the kid-pleasing Bozo did.

Naruto snorted, making a face before gritting his teeth. "_Temeee..._" Poutingly, he did what he was told. (1)

This whole day didn't turn out _anything_ like he had planned-nor wanted. First, he had to dress as a clown, Kakashi getting his bloody retribution, then he had to come home to this treatment? The clown paint not coming off (or feeling as though it didn't), no sympathy from Sasuke, the duck laughing at him, then Sasuke not even making him feel better from this horrible, horrible day!

Oh, but this isn't where it ends... Not for Kakashi-and, now, not for Sasuke. They both would have their date with doom... and date with destiny.

Quietly, Naruto laughed evilly to himself.

Sasuke steeled a glance over towards the laughing fox's direction, slowly raising an eyebrow. However, he decided it was best that he didn't even want to know...

* * *

><p><strong><em>(1)<em>**_ "Teme" means "Bastard" in Japanese. :L Just FYI._

Pffffft. An attempt at a SasuNaru oneshot _atfiveinthefreakingmorning. _This was originally done for Firedancer (from Mweor), who extended a challenge to me. x: I screwed up on the theme, really, which was a 'date gone horribly awry.' I FAIL. ButIdidsqueezesomesortof'date'nessinthere. -Shot.- 'OTL Yeah... The rest of the challenge was to include the following five things: Icecream, clowns, a rubber ducky, bacon, and bunny slippers.

e_e This whole story doesn't please me that much. xD; I wish I would've made it funnier. Then again, I'm also writing this at, oh, five in the freakin' morning. |: -Shoots self.- SO HERE YOU GO. SASUNARU ONESHOT. YAY. -Dies.- Zzzz~


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